The Five Stages of Cancer Grief
What are the stages of grief during breast cancer?
During our Pink Ladies meeting last week, we had the opportunity to meet Lucy Zeigler, PRMA patient and certified professional counselor specializing in grief therapy.
Lucy went over some really great information for those going through a breast cancer diagnosis, treatment and recovery. One of the things she discussed was the 5 stages of cancer grief—which really can be applied to grief of any kind.
The five commonly recognized stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Lucy says to keep in mind that not everyone experiences all of these stages or goes through them in a particular order. Even after someone has gone through all the stages she says, a person can still revert back to a previous stage.
The first stage—denial, is really a coping mechanism to help a person survive news that is difficult to handle. During this stage, Lucy mentioned that most people are overwhelmed with feelings of shock and are unable to grasp everything that just happened. Although some denial can be healthy, it may prevent someone from dealing effectively with issues that are important.
Anger is a stage that almost everyone goes through when dealing with grief. Questions like ‘why did this happen to me?’ or ‘what did I do to deserve this?’ are common. Surrounding yourself with friends and family and talking with others going through a similar situation can be helpful when overcoming anger.
Bargaining is also a stage that a lot of people face when dealing with grief. Thoughts of ‘if only I’d done this’ are common. Many people may try to bargain to prevent future losses by changing their lifestyle or even promising God that they will change their behavior in exchange for good health.
The fourth stage is sadness. Most people facing a cancer diagnosis are understandably saddened by the news which affects everything from mood, energy levels and sleep and eating habits. Seeking professional counseling during the grieving process may be beneficial for some people.
The last stage is acceptance of the cancer diagnosis. It doesn’t mean that a person has completely let go of their grief, but that they’ve accepted cancer as a part of their life. Although this is the last stage of cancer grief, Lucy says that a person can still revert back to other stages or skip some stages in the grieving process all together.
The final point that was made during our meeting was that even though all of our journeys are similar, no two are the same. We are all unique and have a voice in how our cancer diagnosis has affected our lives. Embrace what has been put in front of you—a path that you did not choose, but one that was chosen for you. You will get through this!
Author: Dr. Minas Chrysopoulo and Brandy (Korman) Haslam
During our Pink Ladies meeting last week, we had the opportunity to meet Lucy Zeigler, PRMA patient and certified professional counselor specializing in grief therapy.
Lucy went over some really great information for those going through a breast cancer diagnosis, treatment and recovery. One of the things she discussed was the 5 stages of cancer grief—which really can be applied to grief of any kind.
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i thought this information was very helpful. my husband has just been diagnosed with bladder cancer, many scary things a head. it was comforting to hear-You will get through this!!!!!! michelle
July 20,2020
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So glad you found this information helpful Michelle! Sending well wishes to you and your husband.
July 20,2020
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My mom had a melanoma removed from her leg 3 yrs.ago. well, about a yr. Later it got into the lymph nodes in groin, dr. Removed these, this October her pet Scan revealed it had metastasized pretty much to all organs. My mother is 79, she is a kidney transplant patient & has had her kidney for 21 yrs., we were afraid to try any treatment, afraid it would cause her to lose her kidney therefore shortening her life instead of prolonging it. The cancer is all in her lungs, she has hard time breathing even just going to the bathroom is a chore, she gets winded. I think she is in denial right now & shock. I, along with all family members & church pray constantly for her. I feel so helpless, sad, angry, depressed & any thing else u can think of myself, bc I want to help her so bad. I love my mother SOOOO very much, she is just an angel. It’s killing me. She is at home under hospice care, my dad & i have been taking care of her around the clock. She barely speaks, she’s just not herself. I think she is in denial stage. She has smiled 2 times in a week. I try to keep upbeat & lean on God, I never cry in front of her. We don’t know how much time she has left & none of us want to know. If there is any out there going thru something similar, sure would be helpful to talk. I pray God gives us all the strength we need to make it thru this devastating time. P.s. my dad has cancer too & has 5 more radiation treatments left on his vocal cords. He says he doesn’t want to live if something happens to mom, they have been married 61 yrs. Please pray for our family, for my mom & dad. Would love to talk to someone! !!!! Tonia
July 20,2020
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Thank you so much for sharing Tonia! We are sending love and prayers to your sweet family!
July 20,2020
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Hi Tonia,
I was just reading the 5 stages of cancer grief above and saw you comment.
I do not know how recent your post is but I can relate as my family just received
news my mother has 3 months. My prayers are with u & your family also. Becky 7/18/17July 20,2020
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Hello I too was just recently diagnosed with a rare stage 2 sarcoma of my left breast on 8/11/2017,I had a double mastectomy on 11/9/2017 I still have the drain tubes in my right breast is badly swollen with fluid and is still very painful. This Wednesday I start radiation treatment then chemotherapy and I’m scared. I had elected for reconstructive surgery before the treatment begins but the pain is so bad that I’m rethinking it.I don’t really have anyone to talk to about all this and it is beginning to depress me but I keep a smile on my face for my kids. I don’t know what to do anymore
July 20,2020
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Thanks so much for reaching out sweet Monica! We hate to hear you are experiencing all of this and you feel alone. We would be more than happy to connect you with our Pink Ladies Patient Advocate team! There are also many Facebook groups specific to breast cancer and reconstruction. Please let us know if you would like us to put you in touch!
July 20,2020
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I was told that I have a mass in my right lung which was causing my chest pain that I went into the ER for I still must be in denial because I have yet to follow up with the doctor please keep me in your prayers I have an appointment tomorrow at 1:30
July 20,2020
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Sending well wishes your way Derinda!
July 20,2020
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Are there support groups for breast cancer in Omaha?
July 20,2020
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Yes! Check out this information from your local Susan G. Komen resource page! https://komengreatplains.org/about-breast-cancer/local-resources/support-groups-eastern-nebraska/
July 20,2020
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My husband has small cell lung cancer. Last year he had it in his right lung, with treatment it did get smaller and stopped growing. He seemed to be getting better and stronger. In February of this year they have told us he has 2 spots on the left lung and it is small cell lung cancer too.. he really seem to be doing better and now he’s mad at anything and everything. It’s emotionally draining. I can’t get any answers from any doctors on what’s going on.
July 20,2020
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Thank you I just got my treatment plan for stage 2 colon cancer. Im scared and alone. This article help ease me.
Thank you
Marcia HillSeptember 12,2020
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Michelle
i thought this information was very helpful. my husband has just been diagnosed with bladder cancer, many scary things a head. it was comforting to hear-You will get through this!!!!!! michelle
PRMA Plastic Surgery
So glad you found this information helpful Michelle! Sending well wishes to you and your husband.
Tonia
My mom had a melanoma removed from her leg 3 yrs.ago. well, about a yr. Later it got into the lymph nodes in groin, dr. Removed these, this October her pet Scan revealed it had metastasized pretty much to all organs. My mother is 79, she is a kidney transplant patient & has had her kidney for 21 yrs., we were afraid to try any treatment, afraid it would cause her to lose her kidney therefore shortening her life instead of prolonging it. The cancer is all in her lungs, she has hard time breathing even just going to the bathroom is a chore, she gets winded. I think she is in denial right now & shock. I, along with all family members & church pray constantly for her. I feel so helpless, sad, angry, depressed & any thing else u can think of myself, bc I want to help her so bad. I love my mother SOOOO very much, she is just an angel. It’s killing me. She is at home under hospice care, my dad & i have been taking care of her around the clock. She barely speaks, she’s just not herself. I think she is in denial stage. She has smiled 2 times in a week. I try to keep upbeat & lean on God, I never cry in front of her. We don’t know how much time she has left & none of us want to know. If there is any out there going thru something similar, sure would be helpful to talk. I pray God gives us all the strength we need to make it thru this devastating time. P.s. my dad has cancer too & has 5 more radiation treatments left on his vocal cords. He says he doesn’t want to live if something happens to mom, they have been married 61 yrs. Please pray for our family, for my mom & dad. Would love to talk to someone! !!!! Tonia
PRMA Plastic Surgery
Thank you so much for sharing Tonia! We are sending love and prayers to your sweet family!
Becky
Hi Tonia,
I was just reading the 5 stages of cancer grief above and saw you comment.
I do not know how recent your post is but I can relate as my family just received
news my mother has 3 months. My prayers are with u & your family also. Becky 7/18/17
Monica W
Hello I too was just recently diagnosed with a rare stage 2 sarcoma of my left breast on 8/11/2017,I had a double mastectomy on 11/9/2017 I still have the drain tubes in my right breast is badly swollen with fluid and is still very painful. This Wednesday I start radiation treatment then chemotherapy and I’m scared. I had elected for reconstructive surgery before the treatment begins but the pain is so bad that I’m rethinking it.I don’t really have anyone to talk to about all this and it is beginning to depress me but I keep a smile on my face for my kids. I don’t know what to do anymore
PRMA Plastic Surgery
Thanks so much for reaching out sweet Monica! We hate to hear you are experiencing all of this and you feel alone. We would be more than happy to connect you with our Pink Ladies Patient Advocate team! There are also many Facebook groups specific to breast cancer and reconstruction. Please let us know if you would like us to put you in touch!
Derinda
I was told that I have a mass in my right lung which was causing my chest pain that I went into the ER for I still must be in denial because I have yet to follow up with the doctor please keep me in your prayers I have an appointment tomorrow at 1:30
PRMA Plastic Surgery
Sending well wishes your way Derinda!
Joni Miller
Are there support groups for breast cancer in Omaha?
PRMA Plastic Surgery
Yes! Check out this information from your local Susan G. Komen resource page! https://komengreatplains.org/about-breast-cancer/local-resources/support-groups-eastern-nebraska/
Wanda Bayley
My husband has small cell lung cancer. Last year he had it in his right lung, with treatment it did get smaller and stopped growing. He seemed to be getting better and stronger. In February of this year they have told us he has 2 spots on the left lung and it is small cell lung cancer too.. he really seem to be doing better and now he’s mad at anything and everything. It’s emotionally draining. I can’t get any answers from any doctors on what’s going on.
Marcia
Thank you I just got my treatment plan for stage 2 colon cancer. Im scared and alone. This article help ease me.
Thank you
Marcia Hill
Car Dewilde
going through a cancer diagnosis and breakup so this makes total sense to me. thankfully im coming out of sadness phase which has been an emotional rollercoster. best wishes to all x
Katherina
I was diagnosed on august 9th 2022 with adenocarcinoma, stage 4 pancreatic cancer and lung cancer. Started chemo treatment yesterday. Feel almost human again. Not sleeping as much, eating small bits several times during the day Hopefully treatment will help me gain back most of the weight I lost.
PRMA Plastic Surgery
Hello Katherina, we are so sorry to hear you have been through so much. We are sending encouragement and prayers your way! There are many Facebook cancer support groups that we can put you in touch with if you are interested!